


that's what Daleks DO! 8|

by Hyululu



Category: Doctor Who, Sherlock (TV), Supernatural, Superwholock - Fandom
Genre: Gen, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Tumblr Prompt, crackfic, typos maintained for posterity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7250230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyululu/pseuds/Hyululu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was drunk on tumblr and told people to suggest things for me to drunkwrite<br/>Years later and I'm still laughing at it, so it might be worth a share<br/>please enjoy and feel free to judge me for my sins</p>
            </blockquote>





	that's what Daleks DO! 8|

**PART ONE:** MOST SHITTY MORNING

“SAM.” this was dean shouting. loudly. "Sam this is an emergency! Wake up!“

Sam rolled over in bed, mumbling in a half-asleep stupor. "Hunnhg mmff kelly clarkson..?”

Dean grabbed his brother by the shirt and shook him. something the way one would have shaken a computer screen during the dial-up era of the internet. “Dammit sam! She’s gone! MY BABY IS GONE.”

sam did eventually wake up, but probably more because of the urgency in his brother’s voice, and not so much from the actual shaking. “Huh? What? Dean, what the- WHO’S gone? PUT ME DONW”

“The Impala, sam! She’s gone, and we’re gonna find out who took her, and why, and then i’m gonna kill a bithc.”

~

**PART TWO:** THESE GUS ARE ASSBUTTS

JimMoriarty cackled with a particular brand of evil glee, as he drove a very swanksy car (omg Dean’s Implala!!DESU like you couldn’t figure that out) downt he highway. “Oh, that was too fun!” he said to his passenger, which was a Dalek. The Dalekwas crammed into the back seat of the impala, laid on its side so it would fit. And even though Dalek armor doesn’t have faces, this dalke looked super pissed-off. like whoa.

“WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANE OFABDUTING THIS PIECE OF SHIT CAR.” said the dalek.

Jim tsked and shooke his head. “Well that’s aliens for you. you can’t appreciate anything nice. Didn’t even like my suit. Boring~"

"WESTWOOD IS IRRELEVANT TO OUR CAUSE.”

“WHAT?” Jim slammed on the brakes. The impala skreeched painfully on its tires, leaving black streaaks in the road. “Westwood. Is COMPLETELY RELEVANT. TO EVERYTHING!”

The Dalek tried to swivel its eyestalk away from the crazy man, and decided that this whole trip to earth was becoming stupid.

~

**PAR THREE:** OUR MAGICAL FRIENDS ARE ALL BUSY! OH, THE INCONVENICENS OF IT ALL.

“So…anyidea where we need to start?” Sam was gethering stuff together. Important stuff that he asusmed he was going to need. you know, for car hunting.

Vean mumbled something very angry-sounding and loaded a shotgun.

“…Okay.” Sam gave his brtoher a wary side-eye and packed their stuff into a duffel bag. it was still mostly just a bunch on nondescrpit stuff, but I think we can all assume that guns were involved, and also bags of M&Ms. "You know, we could always just ask Cas to-“

"cas is a dickface.” dean interrupted.

“Um. Oh.” sammy-wammy looked confused, but didn’t ask. “Well theen we could see if The Doctor knows hwy-”

“Dickface.”

the younger winchester sighed. Dean was totally useless without his stupid car. this kind of scenario is exactly why sam always told dean never to leave his brain in the car all the damn time… but did Dean ever listen? NO. No he did not.

“Fine.” said Sam. “Then we’ll just friggin WALK places until maybe hopefully some stuff happenes, and then santa brings that car back.

Dean burst into tears. Just gross sobbing all over themotel room. "I MISS MY BABY SO MUCH SAMMY”

~

**PART FOUR** : THIS IS THAT LAST PART BECAUSE FOUR IS BAD LUCK AND ALSO DEATH IN JAPANESE CULTURE AND SO THIS IS THE DEATH OF THE FIC LOOK HOW CLEVER I AM

Moriarty and also a bigass group of deleks were hanging out around the impala looking skeevy and weird. but that was okay with them because thy were the bad guys. there had also been a reallybig argument among them about why they needed to steal a car fro anything evil, and some deus ex machina was spake. I won’t repeat it here because it was very dastardly, but you can rest assured that it was BAD NEWS for the impala, holy shit.

So these guys were doing sutff, and SUDDENLY. Sam and Dean showed up in a helicopter, because why not? Actually, they just called Gabriel who never died ever, and he magiked up a heli for them because he’s actually a very generous perosn.

dean glared at the evil group and muttered quietly, “dcikfaces.” and then cocked his gun.

sam, for once, didn’t really feel like being diplomating or anything, because what the fuck were these guys in tin cans, and who was this douche in a suit, and WHy had coffee not been part of the morning? travesty. really. So Sam told suitguy, “We’re gonna take the car back. And if you wanna try and stop us, my brother here is gonna shoot you in the crotch.”

Moriarty luaghed. the daleks tried to laugh, but they’re really not good at that sort of thing, so they just kind of fell on ther sides and rolled aorund.

“No,” said jim. “We’re going to keep the car, and I’m not getting shot in the crotch, and YOU are both going to jump off a building. i have this great soundtrack picked out for your final mome-”

**BLAMBLAMBLAM!**

Miroarty dropped to his knees, looking either very surpirsed, of very injured. (hint: it was both at once, oh snap!) Also, some of the daleks had holes in them.

Dean walked over to Moriarty and dug the imapala keys out of a fancy westwood pocket. “There.” He said. “I fixed the dick problem.” then he cocked the gun again. "Now i’m gonna do something about that face.“

~

**PART FIVE** : LOL I LIED THERE’S AN EPILGUE

Jim had to use an entire box of band-aids on his peenless crotch. He never could get his penis reattached, and it eventually drove him to suicide, after admitting his lack of peen to a close friend from the Genius Club.

The Dalkens were glad that stupid shit was over with, and left the Earth to go play a couple rounds of SMASH THE LESSER BEINGS. It’s still their favorite game.

Sam and Dean went back tot he motel. Dean made out iwht a hot chick who turned out to be a soul-sucking leech demon, so he killed her after some hot sex. Sam finally got his coffee.

The Impala gave up on love after her attempt at eloping with Jim failed horribly. She was never really the same car again.

THAT’S THE END LOL


End file.
